Best Joe Dirt Quotes

Table of Contents

Joe Dirt Quotes

1. “It’s like the cartoons, I’m seein all tweet tweet.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

2.“You guys got something’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mic right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up.”-Joe Dirt

3. “Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

4. “Might as well ask why is a tree good? Why’s a sunset good? Why are boobs good?” – Joe Dirt

5. “His name’s Rocky and he ain’t no puppy.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

6. “Won’t kill you.” –Joe Dirt Hitchhiking Sign

7. “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” – Kicking Wing

“Why don’t you practice fallin down, I’ll be there in a minute.” – Joe Dirt

9. “Life’s a garden, dig it.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

10. “Well, that might be your problem. It’s not what you like. It’s the consumer.” – Joe Dirt

11. “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt

12. “Ma’am, you should never drink the bong water.” – Joe Dirt

13.

“Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

14. “All aberration radio, all the time.” – Joe Dirt

Funny joe dirt quotes

15. “My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” – Joe Dirt

16. “When bad pets go bad, dang.” – Joe Dirt

17. “Can I push him off of me?” – Joe Dirt Quotes

18. “Well say it, don’t spray it brother, Dang!” – Joe Dirt

19. “This croc ain’t no puppy.” –Joe Dirt Quotes

20. “Well that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consumer.” –Joe Dirt Quotes

21. “And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon.” – Joe Dirt

22. “If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” – Joe Dirt

23.

“Keep on, keepin’ on” – Joe Dirt Quotes

24. “I’m a rocker through and through. Here’s a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard.” – Joe Dirt

25. “Luckily, my neck broke my fall.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

26. “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” – Joe Dirt

27. “Well I didn’t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it’s not my fault. And she’s one of the hottest girls on the planet.” – Joe Dirt

28. “Life’s a garden, dig it?” – Joe Dirt Quotes

29. “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” – Joe Dirt

30. “Well, it ain’t a meteor.” – Meteor Bert

31. “Well well, lookey here. Corn off the cob.” – Joe Dirt

32. “Hey! You’re talking to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. Do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom! Get her to sew that!” – Clem

33. “Watch the guns baby, that’s how I get the gals.” – Joe Dirt

34. “Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” – Joe Dirt

35. “Hey! If you want to impress me, get a mullet hairstyle.” – Joe Dirt

36. “You can’t have “no” in your heart. “No” is not an option, brother.” – Joe Dirt

37. “Why don’t you go practice fallin’ down? I’ll be there in a minute.” – Joe Dirt

38. “You see that moon? You don’t know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon wondering if, at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon. And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?” – Joe Dirt

39. “Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” – Joe Dirt

40. “Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin’ and it was grossin’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up, and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…” – Joe Dirt

41. “Life is too short to waste doing nothing, make everyday count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world. Cherish every moment you have with loved ones and never regret anything in life, because everything happens for a reason. Look at every day and smile that God has kept you alive, cause there’s nothing sweeter than life.” – Joe Dirt

42.

“Things get the darkest before dawn.” – Joe Dirt

43. “People like that security guard—they don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and whatnot. All I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way.” – Joe Dirt

44. “To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.” – Joe Dirt

45. “He’ll stop humping as soon as he’s done.” – Miss Clipper – Joe Dirt Quotes

46. “They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin’ for chickies.” – Joe Dirt

47. “So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? – Joe Dirt

48. “Actually it got towed away two years ago.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

49. “And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying ‘what’s up, baby?’” – Joe Dirt

50. “Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das or crap flappers?” – Joe Dirt

51. “There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” – Joe Dirt

52. “Here we go, I’m a bit of a crocophile, so don’t try this at home. This here’s Rocky, and he ain’t no puppy. Now, let’s see if Rocky’s got some cavities.”-Joe Dirt

53. “You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?” – Joe Dirt

54. “My name is Joe Dirte, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” Joe Dirt

55. “Buffalo Bob’s kind of a weird name, but people say Joe Dirt’s a weird name, and how cool am I?” – Joe Dirt

56. “My name is Joe Dirte, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

57. “But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.” – Joe Dirt

58. “But I’m pickin’ it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?” Joe Dirt

59. “Now, this ain’t no flapjack, so I’m gonna be real careful, I won’t look.”

60. “You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?” Joe Dirt

61. “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.”

62. “So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?”

63. “You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!” Joe Dirt

64. “There you go. Someone shoves an M-80 up a bullfrog’s butt, blows him to pieces. He comes back to you to fix it. You win twice, brother. It’s good biz.” – Joe Dirt

65. “All right! We didn’t lose him; we just left him. So what? The dude’s doing fine! Look at him!” Joe’s Dad – Joe Dirt Quotes

66. “Hey, you’re grounded! Where are you all going? Hey, come on! You don’t have to follow him just because he’s going!” Joe’s Dad – Joe Dirt Quotes

67. “Uh, no, that’s a space peanut.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

68. “Your nuts are frozen to the porch. Oh, that sucks.” – Joe Dirt

69. “So, what you’re telling me, is that you’re so ingrained with White Trash, that your facial hair just grows in all white trashy like that?” – Zander Kelly ( Joe Dirt Quotes)

70. “Why did you do that to me? I was only eight years old – I was just a little kid. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to? No one that cares if you’re alive or dead? Every day you just think you’re worthless and there’s a void in your life?”-Joe Dirt

71. “Yeah, you want a match? My face and your ass! How ’bout that, friend? Huh? I mean, your ass and my face, what’s up?” – Joe Dirt

72. “My God! Oh, my clowns! Look at my clowns! I wish he never found us! Look what he did to my children! Oh, no! Hey! Hey, TV people! Hey, TV people!” Joe’s Mom – Joe Dirt Quotes

73. “They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin for chickies.” – Joe Dirt

74. “What’s the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?” – Zander Kelly – Joe Dirt Quotes

75. “They clean the bowl so you don’t have to! Hehehe, no, I didn’t.” – Joe Dirt

76. “That shit’ll buff out.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

77. “The guy doing the police sketches thought I was messing with him because my dad came out looking like Father Time and my mom came out looking too butch and looking way too much like Richard Ramirez. You know the Night Stalker, remember him?”-Joe Dirt

78. “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown,” Joe’s Mom – Joe Dirt Quotes

79. “Yeah, man, that little boy, that’s me. My parents were—this was my home. I thought this was it this time.” – Joe Dirt

80. “I got the poo on me!” – Joe Dirt

81. “Yep, left it at a friend’s house. Actually, it got towed away two years ago. But I’m pickin’ it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car, I mean. So what do you say?” – Joe Dirt

82. “Like them spinnin tires, do ya?” – Joe Dirt

83. “I don’t mean to interrupt your clown pitch there, but–but how exactly do you not go right back to the place where you saw me?” – Joe Dirt

84. “Well well, looky here. Corn off the cob.” – Joe Dirt Quotes

85. “Now, you’re telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?” Zander Kelly

86. “That’s it! You and me, let’s go!” – Zeke – Joe Dirt Quotes

87. “I checked my list of Rambler Wagons, and there it was: Nunamaker. Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I was finally home.” – Joe Dirt

88. “I’m not talking about a posi-trac, I’m talking about me. How long did you look for me before you gave up? How long were you riding in that car before you realized I wasn’t in it? Exactly how long?” – Joe Dirt

89. “Turn it up.” – Joe Dirt

90. “I don’t care about that! And I don’t care about this! And I don’t want to see you for another 25 years!” – Joe Dirt

91. “You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!” – Clem

92. “Don’t try and church it up son. Don’t you mean Joe Dirt? Naming you that your father must’ve really hated you,” Security Guard – Joe Dirt Quotes

93. “Does this look like a piece of crap to you? Like them spinnin’ tires, do you?” – Joe Dirt

94. “No, because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.” – Kicking Wing – Joe Dirt Quotes

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