Table of Contents
Funny Beer Quotes
1.
“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”~ Frank Sinatra (Beer Quotes)
2. “I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I’ve lost 30 pounds.” ― Ernest Hemingway
3. “I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” ~ Frank Sinatra (Beer Quotes)
4. “Wine is the most healthful and most hygienic of beverages.”~ Louis Pasteur
5. “For every hour a mother gets to herself, a father will demand five times that amount for drinking with friends and acting like an immature dipshit.” ― Drew Magary
6. Great beer bellies are made, not born. Unknown
7. “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” ~ Steven Wright
8. Good people drink good beer. – Hunter S Thompson
9. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” ~ Benjamin Franklin (Beer Quotes)
10. “Friends are therapists you can drink with.”
11. “When it comes to drunks, we do our best because we would hope for and expect the same from our friends. Sometimes— okay, make that most of the time— things get a little messy, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get a little funny,too.” ― Will & Grace
12.
“Whisky is liquid sunshine.”~ George Bernard Shaw
13. “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.”~ Catherine Zandonella
14. “Drinking alone holds no fun. Drink with friends or strangers! Be foolish, least you’ll remember something meaningful.” ― Alcuin (Beer Quotes)
15. “Well to me growing, up I’ve had my own psychological war with my parents dying at such a young age. My mother was killed by a drunk driver, then two months later my father drowned. He was out with his friends drinking and on medication for depression, and he didn’t come out of the water alive. Growing up with sexual abuse and having to be in gangs and dealing with my own trauma; finding the cultural identity when I was 16, and learning those traditional ways saved me from hurting myself.” ― Adam Beach
16. “Good friends wine together.”
17. “Friends and wine… the older, the better.”
18. “The first glass is for me, second for my friends, third for good humor, and forth for my enemies.” ― William Temple
19. “Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.”~ Homer Simpson
20. “Cheers to poor decisions.” (Beer Quotes)
21. “Friends don’t let friends wine alone.”
22. “It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.” ― W. C. Fields
23. Beer is made by men, wine by God. -Martin Luther
24. Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink. -Whitstran Brewery sign
25. “Keep calm and drink wine with friends.” (Beer Quotes)
26. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” ~ Ernest Hemingway
27. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” ~ W.C. Fields
28. “A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober, but you will still be ugly.”~ Winston S. Churchill
29. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so?There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”~ Drew Carey
30. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.” ~ Steve Martin (Beer Quotes)
31. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ~ Ogden Nash, Hard Lines
32. “Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.” ~ The Simpsons
33. “He that drinks fast, pays slow.”~ Benjamin Franklin
34. “All is fair in love and beer.” ~ Kurt Paradis
35. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
36. “You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.” ~ Tom Waits (Beer Quotes)
37. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
38. “Health – what my friends are always drinking before they fall down.” ― Phyllis Diller
39. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” ~ Dean Martin
40. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”~ Ernest Hemingway
41. Beer that is not drunk had missed its vocation.
Meyer Breslau
Here’s to long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer — and another one!
-Irish Toast (Beer Quotes)
42. Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. -David Moulton
43.
“Drinks are best when mixed with friends!”
44. “I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.” ~ Tommy Cooper
45. Say for what were hopyards meant.
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh many a peer of English Brews
Livelier liquor than the muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.
Ale, man, ale’s the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think.
– A.E. Housman (Beer Quotes)
46. When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me? J.P. Donleavy
47. Work: The curse of the drinking classes. -Oscar Wilde
48. Most people hate the taste of beer—to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice.” -Winston Churchill
49. A little bit of beer is divine medicine. – Paracelsus, Greek physician
50. Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer! -Louis Untermeyer (Beer Quotes)
51. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” ~ Ernest Hemingway
52. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.- Humphrey Bogart
53. Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep, whoever sleeps long, does not sin, whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer! -Martin Luther
54. Beer is the Danish national drink, and the Danish national weakness is another beer. -Clementine Paddleford
55. Well, I never met a beer I didn’t drink. And down it goes.-Norm Peterson, Cheers
56. “Friends don’t let friends drink prosecco alone.”
57. “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” ~ Raymond Chandler (Beer Quotes)
58. Now, son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies and kids with fake IDs. H. Simpson
59. “Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.”~ Compton Mackenzie
60. “If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs.”~ David Daye
61. “Friends don’t let friends drink cheap beer.” (Beer Quotes)
62. “Do you drink?” “Of course, I just said I was a writer.” ~ Stephen King
63. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.-Kinky Friedman
64. “One Tequila, two tequila, three tequila. Floor.”
65. “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
66. I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.- Joe E. Lewis
67. “My drinking friends have a camping problem.” (Beer Quotes)
68. “Good people drink good beer.” ~ Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vega
69. I look like the kind of guy who has a bottle of beer in my hand.-Charles Bronson
70. “Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!” ~ Warren Ellis (Beer Quotes)
71. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” -Jack Handy
72. Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime! -Bill Owen
73. “Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.” -Bruce Carlton
74. It takes beer to make a thirst worthwhile. -German saying
Love Beer Quotes
75. “Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.” ~ W.C. Fields
76. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry (Beer Quotes)
77. There are two reasons for drinking: one is when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it. -Thomas Love Peacock
78. It only takes one drink to get me drunk. The problem is I can never remember if it is the 12th or 13th. -George Burns
79. Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer—it has always been thus. -Peter Richmond
80. There is nothing in the world like the first taste of beer. -John Steinbeck
81. Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. -Henry Lawson (Beer Quotes)
82. Beer is the center of everything. Everything revolves around beer. When you drink beer, everything revolves. Therefore beer is the center of everything. -University of Waterloo Engineers
83. A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. -W.C. Fields
84. You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -Dean Martin
85. Beer has food value, but food has no beer value. -Unknown
86. Beer will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer. -Freddie Freak
87. Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. -Catherine Zandonella
88. Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. -Arnold Schwarzenegger (Beer Quotes)
89. I don’t think I’ve drunk enough beer to understand that. -Terry Pratchett
90. Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems. -Homer Simpson
91. Englishmen are like their own beer: Frothy on top, dregs on the bottom, the middle excellent. -Voltaire
92. An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks just as much as you do. -Dylan Thomas
93. I have respect for beer. -Russell Crowe (Beer Quotes)
94. Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world. -Jack Nicholson
95. Beer… a high and mighty liquor. -Julius Caeser
96. Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -Ambrose Bierce
97. There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.-Willie Nelson
Short Beer Quotes
98. I work until beer o’clock. -Stephen King
99. Drinking is bad taste but tastes good. -Franklin P. Adams
100. They who drink beer will think beer. -Washington Irving
101. I’m gaining weight the right way: I’m drinking beer.-Johnny Damon
102. May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead. -Irish Toast (Beer Quotes)
103. Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man’s worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health. – Unknown
104. I learned early to drink beer, wine and whiskey. And I think I was about 5 when I first chewed tobacco. -Babe Ruth
105. He that drinketh strong beer and goes to bed right mellow, lives as he ought to live and dies a hearty fellow. -Unknown
106. It’s a fair wind that blew men to ale. -Washington Irving
107. He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato (Beer Quotes)
108. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -W.C. Fields
109. History flows forward in rivers of beer. -Unknown
110. Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer. -W.C. Fields
111. It is my design to die in the brew-house;
let ale be placed to my mouth when I am expiring,
that when the choirs of angels come,
they may say, ‘Be God propitious to this drinker.’ -Saint Columbanus
112. Instead of water we got here a draught of beer…a lumberer’s drink, which would acclimate and naturalize a man at once—which would make him see green, and, if he slept, dream that he heard the wind sough among the pines. -Henry David Thoreau
113. Fermentation and civilization are inseparable. -John Ciardi (Beer Quotes)
114. You from within our glasses, you lusty golden brew, whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises. Here’s to beer, here’s to cheer, here’s to beer. -Bedrich Smetana
115. Drink! for you know not when you came, nor why; Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into. -Don Marquis
116. Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where.-Omar Khayyan
117. A meal of bread, cheese and beer constitutes the perfect food. – Queen Elizabeth I (Beer Quotes)
118. I’ve only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror. -Sid Vicious
119. Back and side go bare, go bare,
both foot and hand go cold;
but, belly, God send thee good ale enough,
whether it be new or old. – Bishop John Still
120. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henny Youngman
121. One more drink and I’d be under the host. -Dorothy Parker
122. Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Wilhelm
123. I am very picky about my people and my beer. -Shelby Lynne
124. Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.- W.C. Fields
125. Beer is an improvement on water itself.-Grant Johnson (Beer Quotes)
126. The culture of the hop… so analogous to the culture and uses of the grape, may afford a theme for future poets. -Henry David Thoreau
127. Tis hard to tell which is best: music, food, beer or rest. -Unknown
128. Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them. -Queen Victoria
129. Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. –Frederick the Great
130. When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. -Dave Barry (Beer Quotes)
131. Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand. -Fritz Maytag
132. There is an ancient Celtic axiom that says ‘Good people drink good beer.’ Which is true, then as now. Just look around you in any public barroom and you will quickly see: bad people drink bad beer. Think about it. -Hunter S. Thompson
133. I am sure of this, that if everybody was to drink their bottle a day, there would be not half the disorders in the world there are now. It would be a famous good thing for us all. -Jane Austen
134. Keep your libraries, your penal institutions, your insane asylums… give me beer. You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world does not need morals, it needs beer… The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul could make use of beer. -Henry Miller (Beer Quotes)
135. I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer. -Abraham Lincoln
136. Beer he drank—seven goblets. His spirit was loosened. He became hilarious. His heart was glad and his face shown. -The Epic of Gilgamesh
137. “Did you ever taste beer?”
“I had a sip of it once.,” said the servant.
“Here’s a state of things!”! cried Mr. Swiveller …
“She never tasted it — it can’t be tasted in a sip! -Charles Dickens
138. You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -Frank Zappa
139. Some people wanted champagne and caviar when they should have had beer and hot dogs. -Dwight D. Eisenhower (Beer Quotes)
140. Stay with the beer. Beer is continuous blood. A continuous lover. -Charles Bukowski
141. A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure. -Czech Proverb
142. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -Winston Churchill
143. Beer, if drunk in moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.- Thomas Jefferson
144. The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully. – Russian proverb
145. I think this would be a good time for a beer. – Franklin D. Roosevelt
146. I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety. -William Shakespeare, Henry V
147. A quart of ale is a dish for a king. William Shakespeare, A Winter’s Tale
148. One drink is just right, two are too many, three too few.-Spanish saying
149. The mouth of perfectly happy man is filled with beer. -Egyptian proverb
150. Blessed is the mother who gives birth to a brewer. -Czech Saying
151. If you guys are going to be throwing beer bottles at us, at least make sure they’re full. -Dave Mustaine
152. Wherever beer is brewed, all is well—wherever beer is drunk, life is good. -Czech proverb
153. There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better. – Stephen Morris
154. You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey—the sacred incense of the drinking man. -Bruce Aidells
155. Or merry swains, who quaff the nut-brown ale, and sing enamoured of the nut-brown maid.- James Beattie
156. God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
157. From man’s sweat and God’s love, beer came into the world. -Saint Arnoldus
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